Act I — Wild Roses: the subscription is cancelled, and the invoice reads nine
The number first, because it is the smallest number this newspaper has ever printed in this position: Wild Roses Edmonton are champions of World League 1 with 74 points, 23 wins, 5 draws, 2 defeats, 79 scored and NINE conceded. Nine. The previous record for a division of any tier was 10, set by Trakia in World 3 last year while not getting promoted; the top-flight record of 13 was held in triplicate. Both are retired. Twenty-two clean sheets in thirty matches. At home: 12-2-1, 50 scored, five conceded. Away: 11-3-1, 29 scored, four conceded. Only eight of the nine were scored by opponents. The ninth was scored by Kevin Munera, into his own net, in the 57th minute at Fiko in Round 17, the only goal of a 0-1 — and readers with long memories will recall that Wild Roses' only own-goal defeat of LAST season, 0-1 at Nordlys, was also Munera's. Two seasons, two own-goal defeats, one 21-year-old right-back. He also scored the penalty that won Round 8 at Dacia, opened the scoring in the final-day 2-0 at Pacific, and put up 15 friendly assists. The club has decided he is worth the occasional invoice.
The other defeat: Round 9, 1-2 at home to Sharks (Luján 26', Potier 40', Tsolakidis 86'). The race: Edmonton opened with eight straight wins and led from Round 1 to Round 13; Raiders took the top spot from Round 14 to 18; Wild Roses 19 to 21; Raiders 22 and 23; Wild Roses from 24 to the end. The head-to-heads were 0-1 in Bucharest in Round 4 (Uzel, 59th) and 0-0 in Edmonton in Round 27 — one goal in 180 minutes, and it decided the year. The title was sealed in Round 29, 5-1 over Astral after going behind to a third-minute penalty: Jambrović 41', Tóth 42', Tsolakidis 45', Bradley 65' and 86'. A 32-year-old left-back with 317 career appearances headed in the equaliser of the match that won his club its first title in nine seasons. Vlaho Jambrović, previously reported creating on weekdays and arguing at weekends, has now been reported celebrating.
The household: Izzet Uzel 12 goals — after 23, 23 and 23, the number finally changed, and the trophy came with it; Kimon Tsolakidis 12 goals and 11 assists; Abdelkebir Benaboud, the 5,210-credit centre-back of last summer, 12 assists from the back four; Tóth 8; Faísca 7. And Milosz Kolasa, who entered the season on 99 career goals: the 100th arrived in Round 7, in the 45th minute of the 4-0 over Nordlys. The headline this newspaper pre-wrote a year ago has been used, and the writer did not retire. Kolasa finished on 8 league goals, 16 friendlies, and 107 for the career. The champions' frozen squad value was 6,169 — the most expensive in the division (Raiders 5,693, Sharks 4,791). Football, having briefly stopped reading price tags last year, has resumed.
The cabinet now reads two golds, five silvers, three bronzes. And, because some habits survive a title: in the football that doesn't count, Edmonton went 37-1-0, 129 scored, 15 conceded, 112 ranking points — more than the 110 that lost them the Friendly Ranking by one last year — and finished second AGAIN, this time by thirty-five (Act VII). A fourth consecutive unbeaten friendly season; 146 friendlies without defeat. Runner-up in the football that doesn't count, champions in the football that does. The club has indicated it can live with the arrangement.
Act II — Raiders: twelve straight, four draws, and the two hundredth
70 points, 21-7-2, 82 scored, 17 conceded — the best attack, the second-best defence, and unbeaten away all season, 10-5-0. Second. The opening read D-W-D-L, the L being the Uzel goal in Round 4, and then came twelve consecutive wins from Round 5 to Round 16 — the fourth-longest streak in top-flight history, behind their own 22 and 15 and Wild Roses' 13 — including 4-0 at Astral (Ojeda in the FIRST minute, then the 64th and 79th), 6-0 at Butterfly, 5-1 over Lions (Ojeda three), 4-0 over Sharks and 2-1 at Sharks. They took the lead in Round 14. Then Round 19: 0-1 at home to Butterfly — Niakasso's goal-line handball in the 47th, red card, Godinhos from the spot — Butterfly's second consecutive win in Bucharest, a fixture the smaller club now appears to regard as an annual outing. Then 5-1 at Dacia, 4-0 over Imperial, 5-0 at Hussars — and the passage that lost the title: 2-2 at Pacific, 1-1 with Fiko (13th), 2-2 at FC Sipp (15th), and the 0-0 in Edmonton. Four points dropped against clubs from the bottom half. The last three matches were won 5-0, 3-1 and 4-1, and it did not matter.
The cabinet reads 7-1-1. The blank space left last year for an eighth title remains blank; a second frame has been hung beside it. Hector Ojeda — 19 goals, a first-minute goal, two hat-tricks — scored his 200th career goal in Round 20, in the 47th minute of the 5-1 at Dacia, and sits on 205 at the age of 33. Elías Olivieri 14 goals and 11 assists; Yoji Kamiya, the 7,000-credit signing of the season's first night, 12 goals and six assists in all thirty rounds; Gassama 10 and 10; Perez 320 appearances. And Relu Scutaru retires at 35 with 228 appearances and 37 assists — a centre-back who leaves with more assists than most wingers and four red cards, which is the Raiders way.
Act III — Sharks fall to fourth, Lions land third, and the three 7-0s
Gold Coast Sharks, champions with one defeat a year ago, lost seven and finished fourth on 61. They beat Sipp 7-0 in Round 20 (Luján from the spot in the 8th after Myllylä's handball red; Ng twice, Crane twice), beat Wild Roses in Edmonton, and lost to Butterfly twice, 0-1 and 0-1. Luján scored 17 — four against Espada in the 5-3 of Round 10, three against Banatul — plus 33 friendlies, 50 for the year, and the Boot went elsewhere (Act IV). Lions FC Lagos, relegated two seasons ago and promoted last year, finished THIRD on 64 — 6-0 over Pyramids (Leuenberger four), 6-0 over Pacific, and on the final day Butterfly 0-7 Lions: Josemar 8', Leuenberger 31' and 85', Larrosa 32', Smet 37', Whitaker 67', Herrera 87'. Herrera 13, Leuenberger 11, Josemar 11. The founding residents, having been evicted once, now own a bigger flat than the landlord.
The other two promoted clubs went straight back through the floor. Astral Amsterdam, told in this column to "plan accordingly" after conceding 94 the last time they visited, conceded 81 — 0-7 at Imperial in Round 8 (Hayashida twice), 0-6 at Pyramids — and finished 14th. Pyramids Giza, champions of World 2, finished last on 21 points, 33 scored, 81 conceded; their season ended with a 4-4 at Imperial in which Delawari scored four for the other side. And FC Sipp Dortmund — five seasons in the top flight — went down with 84 goals conceded, the worst in the division, and an away record of 0-2-13: 0-7 at Sharks, 0-6 to Nordlys, 0-6 to Banatul, 1-5 to Wild Roses. Three 7-0s in one top-flight season. Munich Butterfly finished seventh with a goal difference of MINUS 22 (31 scored, 53 conceded), having beaten Raiders once and Sharks twice and been beaten 7-0 once; Godinhos scored ten. Hussars drew twelve and scored eighteen — and were unbeaten in friendlies, 23-7-0. Pacific fifth, Dacia sixth, and Banatul eighth after sitting SIXTEENTH in Round 13 — the recovery was one man's work (Act IV).
Act IV — The Golden Boot: from eighth place, five at a time
Krunoslav Bekavac, 30, Banatul Timisoara — 25 goals, the Golden Boot, his second (30 in Season 6). Hat-tricks against Fiko and Espada, and then Round 29, Banatul 6-0 FC Sipp: Bekavac in the 10th, 13th, 21st, 59th and 61st — FIVE goals in one match, the most by anyone in any division this season, scored for a club that finished eighth. Add 21 friendlies: 46 for the year, 131 for the career. Ojeda 19, Luján 17 — the defending champion's title defence ended twenty short of the number he will be remembered for — Olivieri 14, Herrera 13, Uzel 12. For the first time in four years the winning number is under 24, and for the first time in three years it belongs to a club outside the top three.
Downstairs, the numbers were larger. Hilmar Ihrig, 32, Kaiser Vienna — 25 goals, the World 2 scoring title, and the division championship: hat-tricks in the 7-1 over Gladiator and the 5-1 at King Cobra, a goal in the FIRST minute of the finale, and a career total of 198. Two short. He has 218 appearances, a Boot in Seasons 4, 5 and 9, and now a summer to think about two goals. Below him Sakho 15 and Chowdhury 15 (plus 44 friendlies — 59 in all competitions, the most of anyone). And in World 3, Bienvenido Canto, 25, Bania — THIRTY goals, the biggest haul in any division this season: four in the 8-0 at Vittoria, three in the 8-0 over Vesuvio, two penalties, plus 25 friendlies. His club finished fourth. Sadullah Güneş, 22, Trakia — 24 goals, four of them in the 6-1 at Dragons, for a fee of 3,500 credits paid in the last week of August; Fabien Begin, the 9,700-credit signing of Season 9, 21 for the champions (four against Motors, a hat-trick against Vesuvio). Aníbal Tineo scored ten in the league and 38 in friendlies and sits on 192 for the career. The 200 club currently has one member and two applicants.
Act V — World 2: five clubs inside four points, and a champion who spent Round 7 in thirteenth
Going into the final round: King Cobra 56, Baltic 55, Kaiser 53, Black Army 53, Arrows 52. Five clubs, three promotion places, ninety minutes. Then:
- Kaiser 7-1 Azure — Ihrig 1', Haider 3', an own goal by their own Müllner 16', Ihrig 71', Sakho 77', Kurz from the spot 86', Sobrino 90' and 90+1'. Seven, with a VAR-disallowed goal and a red card downgraded to yellow in between.
- Atlantico 3-2 King Cobra — Kay 7' and a penalty 41' put the leaders 2-0 up against the fifteenth-placed side; Vojtěch 44', Catarino 50', Duda 54'. King Cobra lost from two up, away, to a club that was relegated that afternoon.
- Black Army 1-0 Jökull — Demény's penalty in the 38th after Þórðarson's last-man red.
- Arrows 1-0 Baltic — Robertson 22'; two further goals were chalked off by VAR, in the 24th and the 91st minute, and the feed declines to say whose.
Final: Kaiser 56 (+38), King Cobra 56 (+22), Black Army 56 (+16), Baltic 55 (+35), Arrows 55 (+10). Three clubs level on points, a title settled on goal difference — and, because World 2 sends three up, all three promoted. Kaiser Vienna are champions of World 2 for the second time (also Season 5), having been thirteenth after Round 5 and again after Round 7, tenth after Round 12, and top for exactly two rounds all season: the 28th and the 30th. In between they lost 2-4 at Jökull in Round 29 with a red card in the 24th minute and an own goal in the 29th, dropped to third, and won the league anyway. They also beat Atlantico 1-0 in Round 10 with EIGHT men — three red cards — which the disciplinary committee has filed as a tactical innovation. 79 goals; 7-1 twice. King Cobra Jakarta, relegated last year after ten founding seasons, led from Round 13 to Round 27, lost three of the last four (1-5 to Kaiser, 1-3 at Black Army, 2-3 at Atlantico) and went up anyway — one year out. Black Army Budapest, whose coin landed flat a year ago, went 12-3-0 at home, 3-8-4 away, and return to the top flight on a goal difference of +16. Baltic Tallinn — 6-0 twice, 23 conceded, the second-best defence — missed promotion by one point after that 0-1 at Arrows. Per Gjertsen, 33, played 25 friendlies, scored five, and zero league goals; the rising has been postponed. Amazonia, champions of World 3 a year ago, drew SIXTEEN of thirty (21 scored, 14 conceded) and finished ninth. Storm led from Round 1 to Round 10 and finished tenth. Down: Gladiator Milan — sixteenth in World 1 last year, fourteenth in World 2 this year, two relegations in two seasons, carrying Giuseppe Cilloni and his 323 career appearances into World 3; Atlantico, fifteenth, who beat the leaders on the last day; and Ashwaganda, sixteenth, whose 2-2 with Kaiser in Round 14 saw both starting goalkeepers sent off.
Act VI — World 3: Adria at last, Vesuvio at least, and Montreal at once
Adria Split are champions of World 3 with 65 points — 21 wins, TWO draws, 7 defeats. The eternal runner-up club, which drew fourteen last season and missed two promotion places by a point, replaced the draws with results and led the table from Round 3 to Round 30 in every round but one (Diamonds, Round 23). The title was secured in Round 29 — 1-0 at Trakia, Taşar's penalty in the 36th — and signed off 1-0 over Sea Dogs. They lost seven, including both matches with Diamonds in Rounds 15 and 16 (0-1 and 1-3) and 0-1 at home to Al Najd; nobody cared. Begin 21, Cavalheiro 15, Solomon Addo 11 assists. Somewhere in Split, a purgatory has been closed for refurbishment.
Diamonds Amsterdam, relegated from World 2 in last place a year ago, go straight back up in second on 60 — a club that has now been promoted in Seasons 2, 8 and 11 and relegated in the seasons in between, which is a lifestyle. Halicspor Istanbul, third on 59, won NINE in a row from Round 12 to Round 20 and went 12-2-1 at home; they return to World 2 as former champions of this division (Season 7). And then the wreckage: Bania Craiova scored EIGHTY-FOUR goals — 8-0 over Vesuvio in Round 14, 0-8 at Vittoria in Round 27, Canto 30, Băcanu and Chaparro behind him — and finished fourth, three points off promotion, having been fourteenth in Round 8. Trakia Plovdiv conceded NINETEEN, the best defence in the division for a second consecutive season, and finished fifth for a second consecutive season without going up, losing the last two matches 0-1 and 0-1. Detroit Motors, sixth, stay: 8-2 over Dragons in Round 21 (Lara three, Webb two).
At the bottom, a record nobody wanted. AC Vesuvio Napoli — born in Season 9, a World League club in their first full season — finished sixteenth with EIGHT points: one win, five draws, twenty-four defeats, 16 scored, 76 conceded, the fewest points ever recorded in World 3 (the old floor was 15). The win: Round 7, 2-0 AT Detroit, with ten men from the 22nd minute — Falco's header in the 9th and a Motors own goal in the 89th — a result the club will be asked about for years by people who do not believe it. From Round 17 they lost fourteen in a row; in the finale, 1-5 to Oresund, they conceded two red-card-and-penalty combinations in nine minutes (83', 90+2'). They go back to Italy, where LISKA are champions. The other five doors: Al Najd (eleventh, despite a 7-1 in Round 2 with Milović scoring four), Vittoria (twelfth: beat Bania 4-3, lost to Bania 0-8), Oxygen Montreal (thirteenth: 7-6-2 at home, 1-2-12 away, Nekrasov, their most valuable defender, out from Round 8 for the season), Oresund (fourteenth, twelve without a win) and Avala. Oxygen return to Canada in the same week Montreal's other club left it (Act VIII). The city retains exactly one World League club and has changed which.
Act VII — THE FRIENDLIES: sixty-six percent, and the Peruvians who would not stop
The census: 119 series (118 completed, one cancelled for want of a second team), 1,664 friendlies against 854 official matches — sixty-six percent of all football played this season didn't count (sixty-five last year); 4,515 goals; 54,280 credits in prize money; 346 injuries carried home; 77 clubs took part; Raiders, again, did not. And a new ranking champion, with a new number: Spicey Boys Barranco — 54 matches, 48-3-3, 177 scored, 33 conceded, 147 points. Two all-time records in one line: the 126 ranking points that had survived every audit, and Leman's 144 team goals. Seven series titles — nobody else managed more than Hussars' five. 1,980 credits earned, the most. Luca Barsotti, 21, a 6,000-credit signing, 36 friendly goals; Irigoyen 16 assists; José Llanque, a centre-back, 16 assists. A club that was registered on the first day of last season and finished last year with thirteen signings and a corrected spelling now has a trophy, a record, and a place in World 3 (Act VIII).
Wild Roses 112 (37-1-0) — second. Hammer 111 in 58 matches, Barracudas 109 in 66 with 22 draws, Vltava 102. The Friendly Ranking podium, in order: a Peruvian club with no league, the champions of World 1, and the champions of Germany. Elsewhere on the sheet:
- Nordlys 31-1-2, 117 scored, 14 conceded — eighth. Dacia 28-5-1, 102:15 — eleventh. Seattle Pacific 27-5-0, 85 scored, EIGHT conceded in 32 matches — thirteenth; the eight were conceded by Tianjama Kontao, who is discussed in Act X for other reasons. Sharks 28-1-3 — fourteenth. FC Leman, last year's champions, eighteenth, 23-12-25, 139 conceded. The ranking rewards attendance; the three best records in the competition finished 8th, 11th and 13th.
- The brutality table: Sharks 11-1 Aberdeen Bad Boys (the biggest friendly win on record); Vltava 0-10 Kaiser; Shanghai Dragons FC 0-9 Cardiff Dragons, the Dragons derby; Lions 9-0 Trovadores; Sharks 8-0 Naniwa; Dacia 8-0 Vesuvio; Hundis 0-8 Hammer; Al Najd 0-8 Banatul; Tauras 0-7 Spicey Boys; Black Army 7-0 Atletico Aburra; Mayab 0-7 Adria. And the Union Santiago–King Cobra trilogy: 2-9, 3-7 and 6-4 — thirty-one goals in three friendlies between two clubs who then met in the league and drew 1-1.
- Esil Astana conceded 140 in 62 matches (Mayab's 130 retired). Asteras Rhodes collected 121 yellow cards, Barracudas 120, Hundis 115 — Aberdeen's famous hundred was beaten three times, and Aberdeen managed 87. Aberdeen Rovers, champions of Scotland with two goals in four league matches, picked up 17 friendly red cards.
- Scorers: Alaeddin Aref (Accra Stars) 46, Clementino Contrera (Leman) 46 — a tie at the top — Chowdhury 44, Tineo 38, Barsotti 36, Luján 33, Pardo 31, Ihrig 31. Canto's 53 stands. Faraj Faraj, a 30-year-old Hammer right-back, 18 assists (Jambrović's 20 stands). Junping Xu of Shanghai Dragons FC played 66 of 66 (the 68 stands). Henri Selane — the 18-year-old who cost Kaunas zero credits and played 67 friendlies last year — played 60 more, 127 in two seasons, and was booked twelve times.
- The Lead Glove: four players on five friendly reds, and the winner on aggregate is Sheldon Davies, goalkeeper, Oxygen Montreal, 22 — five friendly reds plus three in the league, EIGHT for the year, for a club that was relegated. The syndicate's constitution has a new signatory.
- Wildcards into next season's qualifiers: Juventud, Aberdeen Bad Boys, Toros — all three of whom went out of THIS year's bracket early (Act VIII). The committee has a sense of humour and a filing system.
Act VIII — The Qualifiers: a club with no league matches, a city swap, and a wildcard returned unused
Forty-five entrants (equalling last year), forty-two ties including three byes, seventy-eight legs, one shootout — Al Rafidain against Algiers Mouloudia, 0-0 and 1-1, 4-5 on penalties after EIGHTEEN kicks, which is the same number of kicks Vltava and Marsupilami needed last year; the bracket appears to have a preferred length. All three bye recipients — Toros, Juventud, Étoile — lost their first tie.
The story of the bracket is the story of the season. Spicey Boys Barranco were champions of Peru by attendance — a one-club league, zero matches — and entered the qualifiers having never played a competitive fixture in the club's history. Their first one: 1-5 at Budaörs (Barsotti 7', Eras 31', Barsotti 48', Irigoyen 50' and 66'). Then 3-1 at home. Then Étoile Nantes — champions of France, a bye team, the club that ended its transfer boycott last year and went down with the striker — 0-2 in Nantes and 7-1 in Barranco. Then Manila Azkals 4-0 and 2-0. Six legs, 23 scored, 3 conceded; Irigoyen six, Barsotti five, Nerazzurri four. Spicey Boys will play World League 3 in Season 12, twelve months after registering, with thirty players and a friendly-ranking trophy, having been promoted from a league in which they never kicked a ball. The rulebook has been read twice and found to permit this.
The rest of the six: Hammer Hamburg — holders of a standing wildcard from last year, which has been cancelled with the notation "qualified normally" — beat Hyderabad Vikings 6-0, CD Volcán, and then Trovadores Granada 4-2 and 4-0, thereby consuming Trovadores' OWN wildcard for them. Pardo, 21, scored seven in Germany and four in the 6-0 over Dinamo. Montreal Red Kings: Wala 0-0 and 2-0, Ruige 0-0 and 2-0, Mouloudia 2-1 and 2-1 — eight scored, two conceded, six legs — and the second Montreal club goes up in the same week the first comes down; the derby moves to Canada and stays there. Kaunas Tauras, champions of Lithuania by attendance, beat Atletico Aburra 1-0 and 3-0, Accra Stars 4-0 and 1-0, and Aberdeen Bad Boys — the wildcard — 0-0 and 2-0: the club that played 68 friendlies last year is a World League club. Wellington Harbour lost the first leg at Clavins 11 and won everything after it (3-0, 2-0, 2-0, 2-2, 1-0), removing Hundis and Aberdeen Rovers. Pokrok Kosice beat Asteras, put out Toros 1-0 on aggregate, and survived Esil 3-1 and 2-3. Slovakia, New Zealand, Lithuania, Peru, Germany and Canada send a club each. Scotland's champions and Spain's champions went home.
The domestic year: Spain — Toros 23, Trovadores 18, and Deportivo went 0-6-4, ten matches without a win and six draws. Scotland — Rovers and Bad Boys level on six points, one win each, FOUR 0-0 draws in six matches, decided on goals scored: two against one. Aberdeen Bad Boys conceded ZERO in the league and did not win it; Glasgow Thistle went winless for a second year. Germany — Hammer 16:3, and a mass confrontation at 45+1' of the 6-0. Italy — LISKA unbeaten 3-3-0; Marchigiana fourth with two wins and four defeats and no draws, a club allergic to the middle. Japan — Shachi; Naniwa, champions of the previous two seasons, last without a win. Mexico — Mayab 3-0, then 0-1 to Dairylea Lunchadores, title on goal difference. Portugal — Lusitania 2-0 away, 1-2 home, title on goal difference. USA — New York Ballers 16, Valorins 15, Real Bobb 15 with 13 scored and 14 conceded. England — Ro Liverpool 4-2-0 over four clubs; Enfield United won their first-ever match in Round 3 (1-0 over Red Bulls) and Rochdale theirs in Round 6 (1-0 over Enfield). Argentina — Juventud 4-0-0. Canada — Red Kings over FlyWheels. China — Dragons FC over Hengda. Plus thirty-two champions by attendance, Spicey Boys among them, see above.
Act IX — Mercato: the money came back
Sixty-eight transfers, 109,922 credits — two and a half times last year's 42,805 on five more deals. The invoice table: Kamiya, 7,000, to Raiders (12 goals, six assists, thirty rounds); Juan Leite, 19, 6,200, to Pacific (eleven league goals); Barsotti, 6,000, to Spicey Boys (36 friendly goals and five in the bracket); Braudel, 5,590, to Hussars; Montanía, 4,400, to Toros; Borralho, 4,000, to Juventud; Gruezo, 3,900, to Asteras; Sankharé, 3,610, to Amazonia; Robbins, 3,520, to Storm; Larrosa, 3,500, to Lions — who scored in the first minute at Sharks and in the 7-0. Pacific spent the most (9,270 on four); Spicey Boys 8,138 on four, with one further invoice still addressed to "Spicy Boys" — the letter is corrected, the paperwork is not. Seoul Hangang signed SIX players for a combined 34 credits, five of them club releases at between one and ten each, which the accounting desk describes as "a squad assembled from the returns counter". Eighteen club releases changed hands; three owners sold a player, up from zero — the all-time invoice table (Luján 15,000, Begin 9,700, Hulme 9,661, Ostrowski 9,340, Chowdhury 8,450) is unchanged.
The corrections desk: four sales completed in the last week of Season 10 — Contrera 6,500 to Leman, Mira 6,000 to Aberdeen Bad Boys, Käser 5,500 to Banatul, Güneş 3,500 to Trakia — were missed by last season's ledger. Contrera then scored 46 friendlies and Güneş 24 league goals. We regret the omission and note that the desk's own price-per-goal model would have flagged both as bargains, had it been consulted.
Act X — Crime blotter: eight men, two keepers, and a quiet year for the chairman
The season in numbers the referees would prefer we didn't print: 355 official red cards in 854 matches; 35 percent of matches featured at least one (up from 33); VAR wiped out 491 goals and penalties and downgraded 32 reds to yellows; 318 penalties awarded, 280 converted; 90 own goals; 21 outfield players in goal; 17 players stretchered off with no substitutions left; a dozen mass confrontations. Friendlies added 676 reds and 970 VAR interventions of their own.
The masterpiece: Round 10, World 2, Kaiser 1-0 Atlantico — Kaiser finished with EIGHT men and won. Three other sides finished with eight (Espada 0-4 Banatul, Tomis 1-4 Gladiator, Atlantico 0-2 Black Army) and did not. Both starting goalkeepers were sent off twice: Ashwaganda 2-2 Kaiser in Round 14, and Nordlys 0-2 Wild Roses in Round 24 — the champions had their keeper dismissed and kept a clean sheet regardless, because of course they did. The goalkeepers' red-card table is led by Cristi Olar of Tomis, FOUR, followed by Davies (Oxygen, three plus five in friendlies — Act VII) and Eide (Nordlys, three); the outfield leaders are a five-way tie on three. And the chairman: Tianjama Kontao, 30, Seattle Pacific, entered the season on fifteen career reds and "by all accounts warming up" — and collected ZERO in the league, one in a friendly, and conceded eight goals in 32 friendlies. He stays on fifteen. The career top five is now Kontao 15, Lindsay 12, Meijer 12, Eide 11, Leclercq 11 — all goalkeepers. The syndicate has stopped recruiting outfielders.
Supporting features: Vesuvio's two red-card-and-penalty combinations in nine minutes on the final day; Espada's Hoyos stretchered off with no substitutions left in the 83rd minute of a 1-4 at Raiders; Raiders themselves finishing Round 1 at Espada with centre-back Dinescu in goal (1-1); and the infirmary's worst official case, Fyodor Nekrasov of Oxygen, 32 rounds out from Round 8. Oxygen went down. Correlation, causation, company.
Act XI — Births and farewells: six new clubs, a Whopper, and 332 gold watches
Six registrations were approved during the season: Waregem United (Belgium), RAYAN CF Alicante (Spain's seventh club), Sporting Unicosta Barranquilla (Colombia), Isfahan Strikers (Iran), FC Jelgavas Grenadieri (Latvia), and Kaohsiung Cheese Whopper of Chinese Taipei, a name this newspaper will print exactly once and has now printed. The obituary column is empty for a third consecutive season; the obituarist, transferred to the crime desk last year, has been promoted.
The retiring class numbers 332 — the third-largest ever, two short of Season 8's 334 (the corrections desk, burned last year, has checked this twice). It is led by a new iron man: Lucian Onofrei of Banatul, 33, a left-back with 271 appearances, 18 goals, 34 assists and ZERO red cards — past Zegers' 245, which lasted, like every appearance record now does, exactly one season. Gautier Diot of Étoile, 263, also passed it and finished second in the same class, the cruellest kind of second. Esimov (Europe) 234, Jatobá (Amazonia) 232, Antonescu (Banatul, 35) 231 with 27 assists, Scutaru (Raiders, 35) 228 with 37, Van Gemert (Astral, 34) 31 assists in 154 matches. And Gavin Peacock of Plymouth Sea Dogs retired at 27, reasons not given, which the Gazette respects and would nonetheless like to know. Still standing: Cilloni 323 (relegated for a second straight year), Perez 320, Figueroa 320 (also Gladiator, also relegated), Jambrović 317 (champion), Baudet 315, Rățulea 313 at 34. The gold watches were, per tradition, invoiced to the friendlies budget, which this year could afford them.
Final standings
World 1: 1. Wild Roses Edmonton 74 · 2. Bucharest Raiders 70 · 3. Lions FC Lagos 64 · 4. Gold Coast Sharks 61 · 5. Seattle Pacific 51 · 6. FC Dacia Brasov 48 · 7. Munich Butterfly 47 · 8. Banatul Timisoara 38 · 9. Nordlys IF Oslo 37 · 10. Imperial Tokyo 32 · 11. Espada Madrid 31 · 12. Hussars FC Warsaw 30 · 13. Fiko Tunis 24 (−23) · 14. Astral Amsterdam 24 (−35) · 15. FC Sipp Dortmund 23 · 16. Pyramids Giza 21
World 2: 1. Kaiser Vienna 56 (+38) · 2. King Cobra Jakarta 56 (+22) · 3. Black Army Budapest 56 (+16) · 4. Baltic Tallinn 55 (+35) · 5. Nottingham Arrows 55 (+10) · 6. Atlas Marrakech 49 · 7. Jökull Reykjavik 47 · 8. Union Santiago 42 · 9. Amazonia Manaus 40 (+7) · 10. Cape Town Storm 40 (+3) · 11. Jalisco Guadalajara 32 · 12. Azure Chefchaouen 31 (−14) · 13. Tomis Constanta 31 (−15) · 14. Gladiator Milan 25 · 15. Atlantico Porto 24 · 16. Ashwaganda Ahlen 23
World 3: 1. Adria Split 65 · 2. Diamonds Amsterdam 60 · 3. Halicspor Istanbul 59 · 4. Bania Craiova 56 · 5. Trakia Plovdiv 54 · 6. Detroit Motors 50 · 7. Harimau Selatan Johor Bahru 47 · 8. Cardiff Dragons 44 · 9. Plymouth Sea Dogs 40 · 10. Europe Brussels 36 · 11. Al Najd Riyadh 35 · 12. Vittoria Verona 33 · 13. Oxygen Montreal 32 · 14. Oresund Copenhagen 29 · 15. Avala Belgrade 25 · 16. AC Vesuvio Napoli 8
Countries: Argentina — Juventud · Canada — Red Kings · China — Shanghai Dragons FC · England — Ro Liverpool · Spain — Toros · France — Étoile · Germany — Hammer · Italy — LISKA · Japan — Shachi · Mexico — Mayab · Portugal — Lusitania · Scotland — Rovers · USA — New York Ballers · plus thirty-two champions by attendance. Qualifiers → World 3: Spicey Boys Barranco, Hammer Hamburg, Montreal Red Kings, Kaunas Tauras, Wellington Harbour, Pokrok Kosice. Friendly Ranking podium: Spicey Boys 147 · Wild Roses 112 · Hammer 111; wildcards to Juventud, Aberdeen Bad Boys, Toros.
Golden Boot: Krunoslav Bekavac (Banatul) — 25, five of them in one afternoon, from eighth place. Record watch: goals conceded in a season, any division, 10 → 9 (Wild Roses; top-flight 13 → 9); World 3 fewest points 15 → 8 (Vesuvio); retiring iron man 245 → 271 (Onofrei); friendly ranking points 126 → 147 and friendly team goals 144 → 177 (Spicey Boys); friendly goals conceded 130 → 140 (Esil); friendly team yellows 100 → 121 (Asteras); qualifier entrants 45 EQUALLED; a three-way tie on points for a division title, the first; Ojeda past 200 career goals. Raiders' 12-win run enters the top-flight list at fourth. Still behind glass: 83 points, 22 straight wins, 27 unbeaten, the 10-0, the fifteen-goal match, Canto's 53, Ojeda's 38, the 109-goal season, 68 friendly matches, Jambrović's 20 assists, Schlatter's seven reds — and Kontao's fifteen, which he declined to add to.
Season 12 opens with Wild Roses defending a title for the first time since Season 3 and Raiders chasing one from second, which is at least closer than third; with Kaiser, King Cobra and Black Army arriving in the top flight from a three-way tie and Astral, Pyramids and Sipp leaving it, two of them after one year; with Adria in World 2 as champions of something; with Spicey Boys, Kaunas Tauras, Montreal Red Kings and a normally-qualified Hammer in World 3; with Ihrig on 198 and Ojeda on 205; with a goalkeeper on fifteen career reds who spent a whole season not adding to them, and a 22-year-old goalkeeper on eight for the year who intends to; with Vesuvio back in Italy holding a record and a 2-0 at Detroit nobody can explain. Sixty-six percent of last season didn't count. The paperwork has stopped arguing and started keeping score. Do not change the channel.
