A word from the editor

A reader stopped us in the corridor last week. "Season 19? Boring. Spicey Boys went top in Round 2 and stayed there."

Sir, with respect. This season a record that had lasted ten seasons fell. A club scored nine goals against the team that had bullied it for fourteen seasons. A title was decided on the last afternoon, by goals scored in the 94th and 95th minutes of a match that was already 4-0. And on Sunday night almost a third of all the players in the game packed their boots and went home. If that is boring, we would hate to see you excited. Every number below is real. The jokes are ours.

Act I: Nobody beats Barranco

Spicey Boys Barranco: played 30, won 27, drew 3, lost nothing. 91 scored, 12 conceded. 84 points.

84 is the most any club has ever collected in World League 1. The old record, 83, belonged to Bucharest Raiders and had stood since Season 9. Raiders will hear about this later in the newspaper, and it will not be the worst news they get.

20 wins in a row, from Round 9 to Round 28. Only Raiders ever did more (22, Season 9 again). Raiders own a lot of records. They are now renting most of them.
Better away than at home. Home: 13 wins, 2 draws. Away: 14 wins, 1 draw. The visitors' dressing room in Barranco should start charging rent.
Who took a point off them? Espada (1-1), the Sharks (1-1), and, in Round 8, Raiders, 0-0. Raiders, who finished 13th. The champions dropped points to one club in the bottom half all season, and it was that one. Football is not fair. Football is funny.
The scary part: they are young. Miguel Mancebo, 24, won the Golden Boot with 18 goals and 14 assists. Benoît Le Roy is 20. Counting the end of last season, they have gone 45 league matches without defeat. The record is 58. That one is theirs too.

Third title in a row. Fourth in six seasons. Gary Lineker once said football is a game where twenty-two men chase a ball for ninety minutes and at the end the Germans always win. Lineker has clearly never been to Peru.

Act II: The chase nobody watched

Here is what our friend in the corridor missed.

Round 2. The Gold Coast Sharks lose at home to Spicey Boys, 0-3. One of the goals is an own goal by Radu. A terrible afternoon. The kind that ends seasons.

It did not end theirs. After that day the Sharks played 28 league matches and lost none of them. Twenty-three wins. Five draws. In Round 8, and again in Rounds 12 and 13, they were one point behind. One slip in Barranco and the whole table flips.

Barranco did not slip. From Round 19 the gap sat at seven points for eleven rounds in a row, not one point more, not one point less, like a dog on a lead that will not come closer and will not go home. In Round 29 they met again. Inocente scored for the Sharks in the 53rd minute. Dizdarević equalised in the 55th. Two minutes of hope. Then the gate closed for good.

The Sharks finished with 75 points. 75 would have won the title in five earlier seasons. This season it got them a silver medal and a lot of sympathy. Danny Blanchflower said the game is about glory, about doing things in style and with a flourish. The Sharks had the style. They had the flourish. Barranco had the points.

And the bronze? Wild Roses and Adria both finished on 68. Adria won more matches. The Roses had the better goal difference. The Roses take third. In this league, even third place needs an accountant.

Act III: The night the old men left

A year ago we wrote that Hector Ojeda and Hilmar Ihrig, both on 260 career goals, could not both stay forever, and that one of them would have to blink first.

This season Ojeda, 41, played three matches and did not score. Ihrig, 40, played twelve and did not score. Two of the greatest strikers this game has ever had spent the whole autumn looking at the goal like two old men looking at a bus they have no intention of catching.

Then, on Sunday night, they both retired. Same night. 260 each. Nobody blinked. They just closed their eyes together. The race for the all-time scoring record ends in a dead heat that will now last forever, and nobody will convince us they did not plan it over a coffee.

They did not go alone. 1,512 players retired this season. The record was 538, set last year. That is not a record broken. That is a record taken out to the car park. Bob Dylan, who never played the game, had the headline ready in 1964: "The times they are a-changin'."

A season ago, 1,873 players were 30 or older. Today there are 1,122. The average squad got a full year younger in one night. 1,494 new players walked into dressing rooms this week, asking where the coffee machine is.
Six players retired with 500 appearances or more. Before this season only one man had ever done it. The new record belongs to Alexsandro Perez of Raiders: 531. Behind him: Ibrahima Gassama (Raiders, 520 matches and 162 goals, from midfield), Ignacio López (Hussars, 517), Walid Ziyech (King Cobra, 514, and 147 goals), Horațiu Filișanu (King Cobra, 503) and goalkeeper Yannick Leclercq (Banatul, exactly 500, and we suspect he counted).
Raiders lost an entire era before dinner. Perez, Gassama, Elías Olivieri (210 goals) and Ojeda. Together: 1,968 appearances and 702 goals. That is not a dressing room. That is a museum. Mark Twain wrote that the report of his death was an exaggeration. Nobody in Bucharest is exaggerating anything this week. They bought Roberto Arcila, 23, for 7,000 credits, and somebody will have to show him which peg used to be Ojeda's.
Goalkeeper Tianjama Kontao of Pacific leaves with 23 red cards, the most of anyone in the class. Last year we said the referees were planning a small party. This year they rented a hall and hired a band.

And then there was Round 1. Raiders against Espada. A bit of history first. Espada played in World 1 from Season 1 to Season 14. In those fourteen seasons they met Raiders 26 times. Raiders won 22. Espada won two. Two of the defeats were 0-6. Then Espada fell all the way down to World 3, and spent four seasons climbing back.

First match back. Fourth minute. The Raiders goalkeeper flattens Boudiaf in the box. Red card. The match commentary opened with: "Madness from Dariusz!" Penalty. Naseem Roufail, 26, scores it. Then he scores again. And again. And twice more. Raiders 0-9 Espada. Roufail five, the others four. Fourteen seasons of debt, paid back in ninety minutes, with interest. Espada were top of World 1 that evening, and they enjoyed it for exactly one round.

Thirty rounds later, on the last day, Raiders went to Madrid and lost again, 4-2. In the second minute Gassama, 39, tried one of his curling shots. The keeper saved it. Everything else that afternoon belonged to people half his age.

Who is still standing? Aníbal Tineo of FC Dacia, 36, is now the only active player above 250 goals. He scored one league goal all season, against Kaiser in Round 3, which took him to 254. One goal in a whole season, and he still leads the active list by 38. Krunoslav Bekavac, 38, is on 216 and going back up to World 1. And Roland Tóth of Wild Roses, 38, has played 537 matches, more than anyone who has ever retired, and has said nothing about stopping. Satchel Paige: "Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Tineo does not mind. Tóth does not mind. The physios mind a great deal.

Act IV: Give the kids the money

The old men left, and the money followed the kids. 123 transfers, 254,955 credits, two thirds more than last year. 72 of the 123 players signed were 22 or younger. The ten biggest fees all went on players aged 18 to 23. The managers have discovered youth, and they are paying cash.

Top fee: Fidel Martos, 21, to Asteras Rhodes, 9,000.
Imperial Tokyo scored ten goals all season. On the last day they paid 8,500 for a forward, Joongki Youm, 20. Somebody in Tokyo has finally read the table. It took thirty rounds, but they read it.
Remember Nicolás Barros? Last year Amazonia paid 7,206 credits for him on the final day of the season, and we called it a very late Christmas present. He is 20. He scored 14 goals. Amazonia won World 2. We would like to apologise to Father Christmas.
Pravin Yogeswaran of Juventud, 24: 16 league goals, 35 more in friendlies, 11 yellow cards. He scored a hat-trick against Kaiser on the first day of the season and another hat-trick against Kaiser on the last day. Kaiser are asking for a restraining order.

Alan Hansen said in 1995 that you can't win anything with kids. This season the kids won World 2, the World 1 Golden Boot and most of the transfer market. Hansen's line is over thirty years old. In keeping with the theme of the season, we are retiring it.

Act V: The rest of World 1

Imperial Tokyo: 10 goals in 30 matches, the fewest in the league. 28 points. That is 2.8 points for every goal. Last year we said Imperial don't score goals, they ration them. This year they invented a whole new economy. They stay up.
Union Santiago, the club that got into World 1 by accident, finished 12th with twelve draws and stay up. They arrived with a World 2 suitcase and they are still unpacking it.
All four promoted clubs (Espada, Fiko, Imperial, Union) survived. A bad season to be a bookmaker.
Kaiser Vienna won three matches all season and finished last with 13 points. One of the three was 8-1 against FC Dacia. Kaiser kept all their goals in a drawer and spent them in one afternoon. On the last day they lost 0-4 to Juventud with a defender in goal. Ihrig retired that night. We understand him.
Also down: Pyramids Giza, who lost seven in a row just when it mattered, and FC Dacia Brasov, who drew 2-2 at the Sharks on the last day, as if to prove a point to the one club that did not need it. Tineo goes down with them, still counting.

Act VI: World 2, squeaky bum time

Sir Alex Ferguson called the end of a title race "squeaky bum time". World 2 squeaked for a month.

Amazonia Manaus were top for most of the season. Astral Amsterdam took the lead in Round 25, lost it, took it back in Round 27 and held on. Before the last day: Astral 62, Amazonia 60.

Astral went to Budapest and drew 0-0 with Black Army. That opened the door, and Amazonia kicked it off its hinges. Millet scored in the 2nd minute. And the 15th. Bastien scored in the 18th. And the 37th. 4-0 at half-time. Then, in stoppage time, with the match long over and half the stadium already in the car park, Alfonso Marchisio scored in the 94th minute. And in the 95th. Nobody needed those two goals. Everybody loved them. Amazonia 6-0 Motors.

Final table: Amazonia 63, Astral 63. Goal difference +46 against +41. Second season in a row that a world title is decided on goal difference. Both clubs go up. Marchisio, 23, takes the World 2 Golden Boot with 15, and yes, the last two count.

Third, and also going up: Banatul Timisoara, relegated from World 1 last year and back at the first try, with Bekavac, 38, scoring eight. Going down: Harimau Selatan, World 3 champions last season and last in World 2 this season. A year ago we called them a tiger in a hurry. They are still in a hurry. They just turned around. With them go Hussars FC Warsaw (second relegation in a row; the lift in Warsaw only has a down button) and Trakia Plovdiv, who scored 11 goals in 30 matches, one more than Imperial, and still went down. Imperial's recipe is clearly not for sale.

Act VII: World 3, new address every year

One year ago Mayab Merida were playing in the Mexican league. Then they went through the qualifiers (7-1, 8-3, 4-0), arrived in World 3, and won it at the first attempt: 20 wins, 66 points, eleven points clear, and 13 wins from 15 at home. Next season: World 2. At this speed they will be in World 1 by Christmas and on the moon by Easter.

Their striker Yannick Prost, 27, scored 33 goals, more than anyone in any league this season, including three in a 7-0 at Halicspor. The best haul this newspaper has on file is 36, by Hector Ojeda, back in Season 2. Ojeda retired this week. Prost needs three more goals and has nobody left to be polite to.

Bania Craiova started the season by beating Europe Brussels 9-0, led for the first thirteen rounds, then let Mayab go. Third is enough: Bania go back up.
Atlas Marrakech, relegated twice in a row, went up as runners-up. The removal company in Marrakech has given them a loyalty card.
Europe Brussels conceded 77 and go back to Belgium. But look at the last day: after losing 0-9 to Bania in Round 1, they beat Bania 5-4 in Round 30. Revenge is a dish best served thirty rounds cold.
Osaka Naniwa won their qualifiers last year 7-2, 7-0 and 7-0. This year the sevens came back to visit, from the other side: Azure 7-5 Naniwa, Europe 7-3 Naniwa. Naniwa go back to Japan. Down with them: Halicspor, Azure, King Cobra and Pokrok.

Act VIII: The qualifiers and the country leagues

AC Vesuvio went out last year on a 1-1 after winning 15 of 16 league games. This year: three ties, three wins, the last one 5-3 on aggregate against Busan. The volcano is in World 3.
Avala Belgrade, third in the friendly ranking two seasons running and tired of bronze, scored 23 goals in three ties. Goodbye third place. Hello World 3.
Shachi Nagoya went through on penalties, 4-2, after two 0-0s (180 minutes of nothing, then everything), and so did FC Wouri Douala, 5-3 against Oxygen. Also up: Warriors Suwa and Nordkette Innsbruck.
Upset of the year: Trovadores Granada won Spain with 42 goals scored and 3 conceded, then went out in their first tie to Dragons FC of Shanghai, 3-2. FC Sipp Dortmund won Germany and went out 3-0 to Shannon Athletic. National champions travel about as well as milk.
Elsewhere: Union Maritime unbeaten in France, Headingley FC in England by one point, Oxygen in Canada, FC Meuse in Belgium, Santana in Brazil on goal difference. Welcome to Manchester Slayers, new in England.

Act IX: The friendlies

Spicey Boys won the league without losing. Then, in their spare time, they won the friendly ranking too: 98 points from 38 matches. Second, by one single point, were Shannon Athletic, who needed 64 matches to get there. Twenty-six more matches, one point fewer. Somewhere in Limerick a fitness coach is lying down in a dark room. Wild Roses played 30 friendlies and lost none. Top scorer: Felice Pugliese of Avala, 38. Wildcards for next season: Shannon Athletic, Rovers Aberdeen and Hangang FC.

Final standings

World 1: 1. Spicey Boys Barranco 84 · 2. Gold Coast Sharks 75 · 3. Wild Roses Edmonton 68 · 4. Adria Split 68 · 5. Juventud Buenos Aires 49 · 6. Espada Madrid 46 · 7. Seattle Pacific 39 · 8. Nordlys IF Oslo 34 · 9. Fiko Tunis 33 · 10. Jökull Reykjavik 29 · 11. Imperial Tokyo 28 · 12. Union Santiago 27 · 13. Bucharest Raiders 25 · 14. FC Dacia Brasov 23 · 15. Pyramids Giza 21 · 16. Kaiser Vienna 13

World 2: 1. Amazonia Manaus 63 · 2. Astral Amsterdam 63 · 3. Banatul Timisoara 50 · 4. Cape Town Storm 47 · 5. Nottingham Arrows 47 · 6. Plymouth Sea Dogs 45 · 7. Black Army Budapest 45 · 8. Lions FC Lagos 43 · 9. Kingston Barracudas 42 · 10. Detroit Motors 36 · 11. Lusitania Lisbon 35 · 12. Hammer Hamburg 35 · 13. Oresund Copenhagen 28 · 14. Trakia Plovdiv 28 · 15. Hussars FC Warsaw 24 · 16. Harimau Selatan Johor Bahru 23

World 3: 1. Mayab Merida 66 · 2. Atlas Marrakech 55 · 3. Bania Craiova 49 · 4. Vltava Prague 45 · 5. Atletico Aburra Medellin 44 · 6. Aberdeen Bad Boys 44 · 7. Jalisco Guadalajara 42 · 8. Esil Astana 42 · 9. Al Najd Riyadh 41 · 10. Toros Sevilla 39 · 11. Azure Chefchaouen 36 · 12. Pokrok Kosice 34 · 13. King Cobra Jakarta 34 · 14. Osaka Naniwa 28 · 15. Europe Brussels 25 · 16. Halicspor Istanbul 25

Qualifiers → World 3: AC Vesuvio Napoli, Avala Belgrade, Shachi Nagoya, FC Wouri Douala, Warriors Suwa, Nordkette Innsbruck. Friendly Ranking podium: Spicey Boys Barranco 98 · Shannon Athletic Limerick 97 · Avala Belgrade 94; wildcards to Shannon Athletic, Rovers Aberdeen and Hangang FC.

Golden Boots: Miguel Mancebo (Spicey Boys) 18 in World 1, Alfonso Marchisio (Amazonia) 15 in World 2, Yannick Prost (Mayab) 33 in World 3. Record watch: most points in a World 1 season, 83 → 84 (Spicey Boys); retiring class, 538 → 1,512; most appearances by a retiree, 505 → 531 (Perez). Second best ever: 20 straight World 1 wins (Spicey Boys; Raiders hold 22). Third unbeaten World 1 season in history. Retired together: Ojeda and Ihrig, 260 goals each. Still behind glass: the 10-0, the fifteen-goal match, and Spicey's own 58 unbeaten.

Season 20 opens with Spicey Boys going for four in a row; with the Sharks lacing up for another chase; with Amazonia, Astral and Banatul in World 1; with Mayab one floor higher again; with Tineo on 254 and Tóth on 537, still not minding; and with 1,494 kids who have never heard of Ojeda or Ihrig. One day they will be the old men in this newspaper. Not yet. Do not change the channel.

The DanFootball Gazette: Season 19 Retrospective